


All that it ever was

by alchemistray



Category: Produce 48 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Cheerleaders, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 11:26:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15387750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alchemistray/pseuds/alchemistray
Summary: She doesn't know exactly what it is, but her heart sinks when she sees her with him.





	All that it ever was

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this is, I wrote this without thinking too much, if that makes sense. Also, I imagined the boy character as Stray Kids' Hyunjin though you can imagine him as anyone you like cause he's not even a major character.

 

 

Kwon Eunbi. Everybody knows this name. My teammates will associate this name, my name, with the devil himself. I’m a she-devil who reigns with iron fist, refuse to pass the throne and will spill blood if necessary to keep my crown in place. I’m the head cheerleader every teen fiction writes about: I’m strict, I’m mad, I keep my team repeating the same routine for two hours straight, I yell at their faces and tell them to fuck off if they disagree with the way I lead this team. I, Kwon Eunbi, nothing but a lump of gray mud resulting from all the colors they try to paint me with. I don’t even know myself sometimes, I don’t want to conform to the image they want me to portray, but I end up giving them what they want. Maybe it’s better, to be that bad bitch if people wants me to be one and maybe, not all of that is entirely wrong, maybe I am as bad as they make it out to be. One thing I want to make clear though, I won the captain vote fair and square. They say they hate me, but they chose me to lead them, again.

This year could be different, the team has a very talented newcomer named Lee Chaeyeon who joined last year. I must admit, she’s the only one who stands a chance to win the captain vote against me. Unlike me, she’s a bright color. She’s the summer sky blue, she’s the glowing pink of Valentine’s Day banners, she’s the glorious red of roses. She is rainbow. The team likes her. Most of them think I hate her, for she threatens my position as captain, she replaced me in one of the championships when I got injured, and most importantly, because I kept her after practice the last few weeks for an extra exercise. They say I nitpick on her.

Frankly, I like her, not her, her moves. She’s easily the best flyer and gymnast in the team. I hate that I like her, I hate admitting that someone is better than me, I hate admitting that I __like__  her. Chaeyeon looks at me with a different set of eyes, she doesn’t despise me like everybody else, she talks to me, she smiles at me, she greets me, calls my name with the most cheerful tone I’ve ever heard in the entire world. I hate her more for that. I feel like standing in a twilight zone. I guess that is not the best phrase to explain my confusing state of being sliced into two by the thin line of love and hatred.

“Eunbi __eonni__ ,” my name rolls off her tongue and over her voice, for once I love how Eunbi sounds like. She sits beside me, glances at the sandwich wrap in my hand then averts her eyes to my face. “Everyone is talking about you.”

“Everyone always talks about me, tell me something I don’t know,” I reply coldly without looking at her, as my fingers unwrap the sandwich then I take a bite.

“Is it true? That you hate me because you thought I will steal your captain position?” Chaeyeon asks. Now I completely put my sandwich away. I look at her doleful face then I snorts a laugh as if I just heard the most amusing joke.

“If I hate you, I would tell you to get the fuck out already. Nobody steals the captain position, if you somehow win the voting this year then you are captain fair and square,” I hope she’ll leave me alone with my sandwich after this, no more questions I need to answer.

“Then why do you always keep me after practice? Am I that bad or－”

“Chaeyeon,” I cut her off, she looks down at her pair of white sneakers. Maybe she prepares herself to hear me yelling and cussing at her face for disturbing my lunch break. “Stop questioning me.”

“Okay,” Chaeyeon sounds a bit upset. She finally gets up, making her way back to where my other teammates gather together forming a lunch circle. Her lips curled up into a lovely smile as she greets the girls. She becomes part of the circle, laughing along with the others. I pick up my sandwich again even though I don’t feel like eating anymore.

 

//

 

The sun is already setting when the team finishes practicing the new routine. I look up to find a purple sky, with fading shades of pink and golden orange. It’s beautiful, but I don’t have all the time in the world to admire the evening sky. I remind my teammates that we have another practice tomorrow before they scatter and wrap up their stuff. I take my water bottle, open the cap and chug down as much as I can. I put the bottle back, then I look around, my eyes searching for one figure among twenty girls, shouldn’t be that hard considering her long legs and bright yellow T-Shirt. There she is, Lee Chaeyeon, standing near the entrance door of the courtyard, talking to a tall, black haired guy. I can tell right away that this guy whoever his name, is her boyfriend. They are being too obvious, the way his eyes twinkle when Chaeyeon speaks a word, and the way Chaeyeon just casually brushes her thumb against his cheek.

Lee Chaeyeon has a boyfriend. Great. Fucking great.

I don’t how to feel, or how to react. My heart is racing, my gaze drops to the concrete surface of the courtyard. I don’t know if I’m even allowed to feel this way about my teammate, about Chaeyeon, about a girl. My head is dizzy, for a moment I’m out of this world, floating around the clouds of denial and confusion. Waves of emotions wash over me: helpless, bitter. I know I can do nothing but watching them in silence, I can’t tell her how I feel. Heck, I don’t even know exactly how I feel.

I guess I’ve fixed my eyes on them for too long, Chaeyeon catches me, waves at me and shouts “Eunbi __eonni__!” from across the courtyard. That cheerful tone sends a rush of warmth all over my body. I don’t wave back, I only give her a thin smile like I always do. Chaeyeon has her attention back to her boyfriend now, the boy wrapped his arms around her and together they exits the courtyard, still talking with broad happy smiles on their faces.

I want to run and stop them, I want to tell Chaeyeon how she was slacking during practice and that I have to keep her for an extra hour again like the selfish she-devil I supposed to be. I can’t bring myself to do it, not this evening, as if my energy is sucked to cease by an unknown force. I sit back on the bleacher, staring to emptiness in the air. I can hear the thumping sound of my heart beating, my lips are pursed, whatever I am holding back, tears or vomits of anger. No, Kwon Eunbi doesn’t cry. But I feel so hopeless, frustrated, and bewildered I can’t help it, my sights start to blur.

Is liking someone suppose to feel this bad?


End file.
